Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What I (Reluctantly) Learned from a Psychic

I got a psychic reading today.

William was supposed to be here today - at the latest (I thought he'd be here two weeks ago), and I'm feeling helpless. Depressed, even. How can I be forced to be pregnant for even MORE DAYS? That's not fair! I've had a hard pregnancy! I need him here so I can stop feeling useless and bored (ego is having some obvious problems with the no-working thing).

Well, the psychic isn't giving this victim the news that she wants.

“You'll go into labor on Friday,” she says cooly.

That's the day after tomorrow. I had already asked the universe for 8 p.m. TONIGHT. Wednesday.

But I curb any comments and let her continue; my icy body language notwithstanding.

“This week is all about rest. About surrounding yourself with comforts. About the two lovers.”

High Priestess card can intimate self-actualization.
She points to cards that make a lot of sense, considering I'm doing NOTHING this week. All my nesting is done. And you can only lounge around the house a certain amount of time a day. But I let her continue.

“Then, in 1-2 weeks, that issue that you thought was black and white? You need to let it unfold as it should, and know that it will work out.”

Hm. Drawing a blank. Continue.

“In 2-3 weeks, the High Priestess. She signals enlightenment. You will come to some very good awareness about yourself and your life. Emotional fulfullment. Also, wealth. Abundance.”

My skepticism melts slowly away as I hear answers that could match what I'm seeking.

“In 3-4 weeks, you're finding a balance of all you have going on, finances included.”

I guess with a baby on the way, a dog, a business and several freelance gigs, that's bound to be in the cards.

“In 4-5 weeks, you're more assertive; confident, clear. Very cut and dry. You also start to notice a very inspiring, nurturing father figure in your life. You're also feeling very nurturing and content.”

And that's the end.

At first blush, I'm not turned on. But as her words slowly start to sink in, attaching themselves to various thoughts and worries bouncing around my brain, I begin to see a storyline.

My younger sister helps translate, as well.

“You need to just sit back and take care of yourself, and not worry when the baby will get here!”

She knew what was at the forefront of my mind. I have trapped myself in a losing game of predicting; trying to control when the baby will arrive; when I can get out of this “waiting” (my perspective) or “resting” (my sister's/the psychic's perspective) stage. I am fighting her advice to “take care of myself,” reasoning that there is only so much you can do! I'm bored, damn it! Doesn't anybody care that I just want a PURPOSE?

Moving on, to the “black and white” answer thing. It starts to seem to me like it's about finances. About whether I have to get a job, or face being poor. Maybe, the psychic says, it's not so black and white, and it will all work out how it should. I'll take it!

Then the High Priestess. I bet that being a new mom, and seeing life through new eyes is going to give me some great self-awareness and insight. I am starting to see that even though I am waiting now, my coming days are not full of stress or impatience, but rather fulfillment and self-actualization. And it gets better.

Finding a balance in three-ish weeks. Definitely sounds hopeful considering all I will have going on. I already know what my calendar looks like for that week, and there are several yoga commitments – my first since giving birth. It will also mark a month after my last regular paycheck. And also, I will be getting into a pattern with living life with an infant, and learning how that fits in with my existing family. So balance is a great word to hear. And that she said I will find it. I embrace that!

Lastly, being a “cut and dry” woman? When it comes to being the leader of my yoga business, I couldn't ask for a better trait! And that's not something I'd usually call myself. So being able to be assertive and tell it like it is (and price myself what I'm worth!) will definitely be a positive. It will also likely help me say “no” if I'm taking on too much, too soon.

When I see the whole picture, I am kind of in awe. It is such an evolution of myself. From selfishly wanting my child to come when I want him growing into a woman with more self-awareness, balance and assertion, I am shocked to see such a transformation. It helps me realize that “waiting” or “resting” IS a good thing, and that I have plenty more I can do just to ENJOY, not to ACCOMPLISH. I'm going to read a book. Write a blog. Get a pedicure. Make a table-top sandbox with a tiny rake (those are like my Xanax...the raking is the only thing that makes me trance out!). The new life starts here, and starts with me letting go of control.

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