Wednesday, August 15, 2012

'You Look Happy.'

Thanks, friends. That's because I AM happy! TRULY!

It's amazing what "happy" does to your appearance. How you carry yourself. How you speak. Your drive. Your ambition. Your capability to love. To be selfless. To give. To receive. To create. Ah, it's endless.

But how do you get happy?

In my experience, it's to stop dreaming about being happy, and look for that one thing in THIS MOMENT that you KNOW will make you happy. It could be as fleeting as, "I am going to open the door and get a breath of fresh air" or as deep as, "You know, living with this man is really annoying me. And really, it has for the past 10 years. I'm going to go pack up my duffle bag and get a hotel with a bunch of girlfriends, where I'll eventually decide I'm much better off without him."

You'll find happiness once you break from the delusion that you are happy. Because a lot of us just pretend we are. We wear the mask with the painted-on, upside-down frown. You know, you don't have to work at the job you hate. If you're too scared to quit because of money, you're living too extravagantly for your means. Simplify. Go get a job as a dog walker and clear your head until you're ready to do your life's passion; what you're meant to do with your talents.

We're not forced to be slaves of our circumstances, but oftentimes, we prefer it because that means we don't have to take risks. "Risk" is a delusion, as well. If someone told you you could trade your one, single bean for a beautiful, big, sweet apple...would you think it a risk that it may be too sweet?

I was unhappy years before I did anything about it. But I didn't change my situation because of the risk that I couldn't afford anything for myself; that I'd be alone forever; that life wouldn't be any worse, but certainly not much better. Well, I'm glad that one day, I just decided I couldn't lie to myself anymore, and decided to take that "risk" of leaving (although when you get to that point, it's not a risk, it's a guarantee that you'll improve your situation because, can you really get more DOWN?)

It was almost instantly that I felt free. Finances fell into place. I started to blossom. I became open to recieving the love of others. And I fell in love. It gets better every day.

By the way, this man that walked into my life, changing me forever? Well, I just married him. We were so against marriage in the beginning ("because if we ever get divorced, we'll have to pay the state again, and what right do they have to more of our money?!"). But as we grew closer, we decided we wanted to commit to each other fully and spend our lives together under that lovely umbrella. We were just going to go Justice of the Peace, but when I called my mom to tell her, she informed me she was a minister, and asked if she could perform our ceremony. So my love and I had her and her hubby come over, and two of my sisters - one was Chris' best man, one was my Maid of Honor. The words my mother said were beautiful. That we were both each other's gift, and that we would have found each other no matter what. We cried. Then the rings...we bought my ring the day before, and Chris' that week. Did I mention this was in our beloved little apartment? The living room with the big window that faces 13th east? With some candles, cheap champagne and a $5 vase of organic flowers? But it didn't feel any less like a wedding day, and I still am in awe at how beautiful it all felt.

That's how happy people get married. I'm not saying we did it right, but we did it right for us. No stressing over accouterments. No expensive rings. Just our desire to be with one another, and express our gratitude for each other's "gift." We made a pact to live simply when we first got together, and have recognized that trait time and time again for allowing us the space to pursue our "happy."

I hope you are happy, dear friends! It's so easy. We think it's so far away, but really, you could be one small, risk-free decision away from a blissful, contagiously loving life.

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